Love Love Love this article, June. Now... A long response from me as I am having the same question-Why are we not talking about this? I am C-sectioned/older mom, too. I can resonate so much with your physical symptoms. I could not give birth naturally, and the recovery time was long. The impact of becoming a mother is not limited to the physical and emotional aspects but affects every part of your being. Your identity shifts. Suddenly, you are tasked (gifted) with taking care of another being. This new identity is something people expect you to know instinctively or navigate on your own or through books that focus on the health and well-being of babies. There are so many decisions to make... whether to breastfeed, which brand of diapers to choose, and even if it's too late to waitlist for daycare, all while being sleep deprived.

Now, I'm going to shift gears and address the moms who plan to return to work after the birth of their baby and the birth of themselves as mothers.

I took an extended leave from work to recover and bond with the baby. I thought five months would be enough, but it wasn't, especially since I was a migrant and my in-law family lived two hours away, being in the last weeks of her life.

At work, my boss expected me to work as if I didn't have a baby waiting for me at home after a 1.5-hour commute. He even forced me to take a leave day when I had to take my baby for a check-up, while having no qualms about making urgent requests that required me to pull an all-nighter. He went so far as to document when I didn't pick up my phone on my leave day.

So here it is... I don't mean to unload my trauma on anyone, but I want to look you straight in the eyes and tell you that sh*t gets real when you become a mother, and I'm not alone in this. I've heard this story over and over again. So yes, let's talk about it. Not to scare people away from reproducing 😄, but to prepare the next mom with eyes wide open. Don't expect or rely on anyone's capacity to empathise. If you plan to return to work after the birth of your child (and the birth of yourself as a mother), familiarise yourself with all your rights and your company's policies. Have a discussion and reach an agreement on your return-to-work plan (I personally believe this should be a part of any company's policy that is serious about inclusivity).

Understand that you are a different person before and after giving birth, and be prepared for the shift in your identity (look up the term "matrescence"). Be open-minded and honest about what you and your family need at this stage of life and make aligned decisions.